


Lord of the Rings Gone Wrong Speedrun Edition

by a-waste-of-time-and-hot-glue (falloutboiruto)



Category: The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: Comedy, Crack, Gen, Minor Character Death, Parody, blatant disregard of canon events, i think this idea would be better off as a youtube poop video but i don't know how to edit videos, not a mean-spirited parody, so here u go, the next my immortal?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-12 01:07:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28751910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/falloutboiruto/pseuds/a-waste-of-time-and-hot-glue
Summary: The Fellowship of the Ring has just formed. What could go wrong?
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	Lord of the Rings Gone Wrong Speedrun Edition

**Author's Note:**

> im very sorry. NOT!!!

The one ring to rule them all was certainly a problem to be dealt with. Or was it? The council of Elrond had after a long and boring meeting full of bickering finally (sort of?) decided on one thing.  
“The ring must be destroyed,” Elrond, the guy himself, stated. He said it with confidence, so it convinced most people.  
“What are we waiting for?!” Gimli growled. He swung his heavy ax towards The Ring on the flat stone pedestal like one chops wood. But the ax (and Gimli) ricocheted away from the ring as if the ax impacted with a forcefield. The ax shattered into pieces.  
“Aw no, that was my best ax!” Gimli said as he limped back to his chair.

The meeting resumed. Elrond explained the origins of the ring(a volcano in Mordor called Mount Doom) and what Mordor was(an evil place with a volcano). The ruler of Mordor, Sauron, had been super hot a few millennia ago but was now a giant fire-y eye on top of a tower.  
A raised hand shot into the air. “Can he shoot lasers out of his eye?” Either Merry or Pippin said. They were hard to tell apart.  
“No,” Gandalf the wizard dismissed Merry/Pippin and the exposition continued. So, they needed to form a team to a) take the ring to Mordor, and b) distract Sauron’s eye(and his orch forces) from finding out about the ring-bearer’s quest to Mount Doom.  
Sounded easy enough. Frodo(a guy that had been sitting there the entire time but hadn’t been mentioned yet) would be the ringbearer and some other guys(Gimli was one of them) would act as distractions(and possibly fight a few wars? It was unclear).

“You have my sword!” One guy said(to Frodo).  
“You have my bow!” Some other guy said.  
“And the back-up ax that I carry just in case my favorite one breaks!” Gimli said. After getting a few shady looks, he added; “It happens!”  
“And you shall be-, Elrond finally announced. Thank god the meeting was almost over. He hadn’t had the time to eat lunch yet! “-The fellowship of the ring!”  
A giant laser beam shot down at them from the sky and obliterated all of them like an electric fly swatter. The eye of Sauron could, in fact, shoot laser beams. Merry or Pippin had been right all along! The ring was the only thing that survived the laser beam intact, and a creepy guy on a creepy dragon flew in to pick it up later. 

All over Mordor, the orcs danced in celebration to the obnoxious beat of air horns. Sauron had finally won. Before he turned back into a hot guy, his giant fire eye blinked in different neon colors as the orcs partied hard. Everything was coming up Mordor!

The End

**Author's Note:**

> in the video game lotr: the third age(2004) the eye of sauron is the final boss fight. i watched my brother play it as a kid. and as an adult i misremembered the eye of sauron boss fight and thought it attacked by shooting lasers at the player. it doesn't. wHICH IS DISAPPOINTING. and so this fanfic.... was born....


End file.
